What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
by Mo-Jansen
Summary: AH One-shot. Bella moves in next door to famous singer Edward. They form an instant friendship, but after a couple of years, Edward comes to her with an onorthodox suggestion. Will she agree to it, or will she hold out for love before she starts a family?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. All rights are reserved to Stephenie Meyer.

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Bella's pov

_I am a moron for thinking he could fall for me. He's got hot models and actresses hanging around all the time. Why on earth would he even care enough to like me as a friend, forget something more?_

_Ugh. I really am pathetic for hoping he could maybe love me._ Unwilling to show him my tears, I turn around and slowly make my way through the crowd, back to the safety of my own apartment.

Oh, the irony of living across the hall. I would be forced to hear the music, the laughter, the voices and with my luck I'd be able to hear their sounds when everyone was gone and the floor would be submerged in silence once more.

_Why? God, why did I allow myself to __believe I belonged in that room? Yes, he asked me to come to the party. Yes, he comes to see me every time we're both in town at the same time. Yes, we have a lot of fun when we talk, but we never determined we were friends, so why did I go only to find him attached to some blond in a way that made me sick to my stomach?_

_Why did I even allow myself to fall in love with him in the first place__? I should have ignored the initial attraction, I shouldn't have read more into the innocent touches we shared when we were together. I should never have let my heart open and vulnerable like that._

_But above all, I never should have made that deal with him!_

A rapid knocking on my door, pulls me from my reverie and for the first time I notice I am crying. Another rap at the door.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming!" I yell as I make my way across the hall to open it.

I yank on the knob, swinging the door open with so much force it bangs loudly against the wall.

"What?!" I ask annoyed, before I have time to register who it is.

"Bella? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

_O, fuck! It's him._

"Hey, Edward. What do you want?" I ask tersely.

"I was coming to ask you why you weren't at the party, but right now I just want to know why you are crying."

"I don't have time for this, Edward. Go back to your damn party and leave me the fuck alone."

His brows knit together as he takes in my hostile expression. That's _right, I told you to get out, now do it! _Hesitantly he reaches his hand up and wipes away the fresh tears that are spilling. His eyes are so tormented that I have to look away.

"Bella, please tell me what's wrong."

I open my mouth to tell him it's none of his concern, when the strawberry blond I saw earlier comes sauntering over, draping her arms possessively over his shoulder. I feel the bile rise in my throat, but Edward's response leaves me utterly stunned.

"Tanya," he hisses. "I thought I told you to keep your fucking hands off of me."

"Aw, Eddie," she purrs. "I know you wanted to kiss me back there. You're just playing hard to get."

"No, I am not," he states firmly.

She reaches up with puckered lips, but before she can reach him, my instincts take over. I step forward, wrap my arms around Edward's neck and kiss him hard. He stands stock still for a few seconds and then every thing in my world shifts into it's proper place.

He pulls me tightly into his chest and kisses me back with a passion that takes my breath away. His tongue traces my bottom lip, before slipping into my mouth. I moan quietly as our tongues battle for dominance, fisting my hands in his hair.

"What the fuck?" Tanya screeches right into my ear.

Edward pulls away, but doesn't release me from his arms. He chuckles lightly at my blush and then turns his attention to Tanya.

"Well, Tanya. As you can very well see, I am not playing hard to get. There is nothing for you to get when I completely belong to the girl in my arms. Heart, body and soul."

I gasp as the words leave his mouth. It is what I have dreamed of hearing since the first day I met him and now he is just saying it to get rid of some unwanted attention. The bile is back and I struggle against his hold on me, but am completely unable to get free.

Tanya shoots me a glare that would've had me cowering in a corner, if I wasn't so annoyed by her. So I glare back until, with an indignant huff, she stomps back across the hall. I wiggle against Edward's arms again, but he doesn't budge. I refuse to look at him, but he won't have any of it.

Keeping one arms securely around my waist, he lifts my chin with the other hand until I have no choice but to look up at him.

"Bella, I have no idea what's going on in your mind right now, but I want you to know that I mean every word I just said. I'm in love with you."

I don't know what happens next, because I pass out.

**Five**** years prior.**

"Alice, for the love of god, do not push me!" I yelled over my shoulder at my obnoxious little sister.

Alice, who was fifteen, seven years younger than me, was shoving my back to get me to move forward, while I was precariously balancing a stack of boxes in my hands. Any normal person would manage to this without any problem, but I was not one of the most coordinated, so it was a hazardous job.

"But, you have to hurry or you'll miss him."

"Miss who, Ali-cat?"

"Your future husband."

I sighed. Alice was a sweet kid, really she was, but her uncanny knack for predicting the future was sometimes a bit nerve wracking. She wasn't always right, but her rate of success was so large you could no longer speak of luck or coincidence.

For example she had predicted that our neighbours Rosalie and Emmett would get pregnant last month. We didn't even know they were trying, so I had waited with baited breath and it turned out Alice was right. It had been a bit of a surprise, because Rosalie had only stopped taking the pill six weeks before.

So I knew to trust Alice with about eighty percent of her predictions. And let's face it, I was twenty-two never really had a relationship, so this particular one specifically tickled my fancy. I placed the boxes in the back of the u-haul truck, shoving them into the last bit of space that was left.

"I can't believe you've had so many things here," my dad grumbled as he closed the doors of the truck.

"I can't believe I am moving out," I retorted. "I figured I'd be cooking for you until you were an old man."

He laughed and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, kiddo, I really do, but it's high time you start living your own life. Let your old man take care of himself again."

"You'd better or Alice will never get any taller."

Alice poked my ribs, but I quickly grabbed her hands to stop her from continuing her tickle assault.

"I am going to miss you most of all, Alice."

I could see the tears brimming in her big grey eyes, but I didn't want her to cry.

"You'd better come stay over on the weekends, you hear? I'll even take you shopping."

"Okay," she said meekly, trying to swallow her tears.

It was a sad day that Mary Alice Swan was not enthusiastic at the promise of a shopping trip, but I really couldn't blame her. I hated the fact that I was moving away from Forks. I had loved it here, and I had been comfortable in my routine. But now that I had landed a good contract with a big publishing company, it was best if I moved closer to their home-base, so I wouldn't have to travel so much for meetings with the publisher, my literary agent and the editors. That was the main reason for buying an apartment in Seattle. The other was that my dad had been urging me to live my own life ever since I decided to stay home during college.

He loved me, I know he really did, but he thought I would waste my potential if I stayed in Forks. He said I needed to experience life outside of our small town for a while. I could always move back, but I at least had to breathe a little city air for a while. Deep down he hated giving me this advice, but he was convinced it was best for me to do it. He had lived in Seattle for his college years and his training at the Police academy and it had helped him realize how much he loved small town life.

Well, there I was. Finally taking up his advice and moving to Seattle. The fear in the pit of my stomach made it hard for me to breathe. My dad had to work, so I was left in the capable hands of Emmett and Rosalie's younger brother, Jasper. A guy who my little sister had a crush on by the way. They would drive the truck up to Seattle and help me get everything unpacked.

The drive to Seattle was a bit lonely and I could only think of the sad face of Alice as she waved after my disappearing car and my dad, looking like he was about to cry. I had only ever seen him like that once and that was after Alice and I stepped of the plane to come and live with him after mom got remarried.

I hated her at that point in time. Her new husband had tried to touch Alice in an inappropriate way, but instead of believing Alice, she took his side and went through with the wedding. Alice slept in my room, with the door locked after that little incident. She thankfully had bounced back from it pretty quickly, but I never forgave our mother for not believing her, so the moment they left for their honeymoon I packed Alice's and my things and took her to our father.

I only called my mother to tell her what happened when we were settled in Forks. She had screamed at me over the phone and finally exclaimed that I was no longer her daughter. It was the last time I spoke to her. She did her motherly duty by calling Alice every two weeks, but as the years passed, Alice cut her phone calls short, saying she was busy when in fact she was bored a lot of the time. I asked her once why she did that and she told me out mother only kept talking about how wonderful Phil was and how lovely their lives were. Not once did she ask how Alice was doing or when she was coming to visit.

Alice stopped taking her calls a couple of months ago, insisting that it was like talking to a stranger. It hurt me to know she stopped calling after only two refused calls, because I knew that Alice felt devastated over it. She might not admit it, but she loved our mom and she had wanted to see her again after we moved to Forks. The love for our mother had slowly been smothered by her empty phone calls and when even those ended, I knew it killed a small part of Alice and I absolutely hated that.

With my mind stuck in my musings I hardly registered how long the drive was. Before I very well knew it, I was parked in front of the building I was going to call home from now on. I got out of my car and stretched. The cool air woke me from my hazy state of mind and I slowly started to feel excited. Emmett and Jasper couldn't go as fast as me, so I had some time to get the small boxes from my car upstairs before they arrived.

As I walked around the car to get the first things, I felt a harsh shove against my shoulder, sending my toppling forward. I splayed my hands out in front of me in an attempt to race for impact, but I was caught by two strong arms. When I was steady on my feet again, I looked up to see who caught me. As my eyes met his, my mind completely shut down. It was Edward Cullen. _The_ Edward Cullen! He was the hottest new thing in the music industry and he was absolutely gorgeous. He had this crazy tousled hair, that just screamed sex, a winning crooked smile and a set of stunning green eyes. And here we was, holding me to keep me from falling flat on my face.

"I'm so sorry. I was in a hurry," his velvety voice started, while he gave me a once over to check if I hadn't hurt myself. "I didn't watch where I was going and then I completely bowled you over. Again, I'm so sorry."

I laughed. "Don't be silly. If you hadn't come along I would have done that all on my own, believe me."

He looked at me funny, but then realized he was still in a hurry. He apologized once more and then ran across the street, jumping into an awaiting town car.

I stared after the car for a breathless moment and then remembered I actually had a purpose and returning to my trunk to start unloading my things. The rest of the day was spent in a state of half dreaming. I caught myself more that once thinking about those green eyes and that soft velvety voice. I had to shake myself forcefully at that moment to even get anything done. I think the boys noticed my absentmindedness, but they didn't comment on it.

I ate dinner with Emmett and Jasper on a couple of empty crates, with a lukewarm beer to chase the food down. It wasn't much but they loved it anyway. About an hour after dinner, they left to drive back to Forks.

When I returned to my apartment after they left, I felt oddly empty. Having them around had filled the place with sounds and a sense of home, but now that it was just me, it was lonely. I already felt homesick. I debated calling home, but I didn't want to fuel my sense of patheticness by doing the one thing that was sure to have me sobbing.

Instead, I picked up a box with kitchen utensils that we hadn't gotten to unpack and settled it in the kitchen. Problem was, as soon as I opened it, I found a sticky note with Alice's scribbles on it.

_I am going to miss you, sis. I'll come see you soon, Ali-cat._

I started crying when I read how she signed the note. She had hated the nick-name Emmett thought up for her until I started using it. I never realized how much she had looked up to me. I couldn't wait till tomorrow, I had to talk to my dad and sister tonight, so I pulled my cell from my pocket and dialled home.

"Swan, residence," I heard the gruff voice of Jacob Black answer.

"Hi, Jake. Is Alice or my dad there?"

"Hey, Bells. You missing home already?"

"Just put one of them on, please."

I had no patience for the boy. He had been trying to get me to go out with him since I was eighteen and he had been sixteen. Four years later, he still hadn't taken the hint that I wasn't interested.

"Sure, sure. Hang on a sec."

I heard some shuffling, Alice's annoyed voice muttering something at Jacob and then her chipper greeting.

"Hey, Al. How are things down there?"

"It's weird without you here. Jacob came over to watch the game with dad, but all he is doing is annoying me. You don't think I'm his new victim right?"

I laughed. "No, I don't think so. He will find someone else to torment, just you wait."

"So, why were you calling?"

"I found your note and I already missed you guys so much."

"Aw, Bells," she sniffled. "Don't say stuff like that."

I chuckled sadly. "Yeah, well then don't leave notes like that."

I could almost heard her shrug. "I couldn't help it. So have you met him?"

"Who?"

"Your future husband, of course!"

"Remind me again what he looks like?" I asked sceptically.

All I had seen today were Emmett and Jasper and I seriously doubted it was either of those two.

"It's a bit vague, but I'm pretty sure he has green eyes and reddish brown hair. Both are really noticeable."

I blanched for a second. There was no way. It simply wasn't possible.

"Bells? Bella? Did you? Did you meet him?"

"Alice, are you sure you didn't just stare at one of your magazines too long and thought of some celebrity before you had this vision of yours?"

"Gah! Bella, come on. You know better than that. So I take it you met him?"

"I think I did, but it can't be right, Al."

"Why not?"

"Because it's Edward Cullen, that's why," I hissed into the phone.

Alice squealed so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear. She asked me several questions after she relaxed again, which I answered to the best of my ability. After another few minutes of small talk we finally said goodbye and hung up.

I felt so much better than I had before I called. I glanced at the clock, noting that it was only nine-thirty. I decided to get my 'office' ready so I could get back to writing tomorrow. I rummaged through my boxes, packing my extensive book-collection into the bookcases. I stumbled a couple of times, dropping the books I had in my hands in the process. I mentally apologized to my downstairs neighbours, but kept going until there was a quick knock at my door.

I sighed, placing the books on the desk and heading out to the hall so I could greet whoever was at my door. I pulled it open, coming face to face with Edward Cullen. Again.

"Hello again," he said quietly as his face registered his surprise at seeing me.

"Hi. What can I do for you?"

"I have a really bad headache and your banging around kind of made it worse."

I chuckled. "Why do I get the feeling you are sugar coating what you actually wanted to say."

"Because I am. I expected it to be my former neighbour. That woman was a complete nightmare."

"Well, I'm sorry. Do you want to come in for a drink. It's the least I can do to apologize."

He hesitated briefly before giving me a once over and nodding. I smiled a little tightly at his strange behaviour, before I stepped aside to let him in. I pointed him to the living room and went into the kitchen to grab us a couple of beers.

"I hope beer is okay? It's all I needed for the guys that helped me today and I wasn't expecting company."

He smiled as he took the bottle from me. "I love drinking beer. I don't get to do it enough anymore."

"Why? Aren't famous people able to do what they want?"

He looked at me strangely. "Can you give me at least the advantage of knowing your name, new neighbour?"

I smacked my forehead. " Shit! I can be such a cow sometimes. I'm Bella Swan, it's nice to meet you," I said as I stuck out my hand.

He shook it briefly, before sitting back and exhaling slowly. "I have to watch what I do in public or I will give the wrong example, or give off the wrong image. My publicist is always nagging on me about things like that. It's tiring."

"Wow, that sounds terrible. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. Tell you what, whenever you're in town and you're in the mood for a night of beer drinking with your obnoxious neighbour, you are more than welcome to come over. I don't know anyone in town yet, so it'll be nice to get to know you. Hell, we might even become friends," I joked.

He laughed and the sound cut right through me and latched itself in my chest. I knew instinctively that it would stay there forever.

"You are so much different than any other girl I know. I think you and I are going to get along wonderfully. How old are you anyway?"

"Twenty-two."

He raised an eyebrow. "Much younger than I expected, but doesn't change the fact that you intrigue me."

I tried to ignore the butterflies that assaulted my stomach at his words.

"How old are you?"

"What you didn't read that in the magazines, yet?"

I laughed. "I'm not up to speed with the gossip magazines, sorry."

"I'm twenty-nine," he said, sounding a bit sad about it.

We continued talking until it was well past midnight. As we said our goodbyes at the door he promised me, he'd be back to talk to me again.

Edward and I became friends after that. We would hang out together while he was in town and even send each other the odd text or e-mail whenever he or I were on the road. As time passed we became more and more comfortable around each other and we started hugging whenever we saw one another.

Light touches started slipping into our meetings. It all seemed so innocent, but sometimes I dreamed it meant more, so much more and I knew I was falling in love with him as we went. I had probably started falling that very first day. But I never said a thing. I didn't think he'd feel the same way.

When I came home after celebrating my twenty-seventh birthday with my family in Forks, I was down. I felt like wallowing in my self-pity, but Edward stood in front of my door when I reached out floor, a six-pack and a bag of my favourite chips in hand.

His smile dropped, however when he took in my glum face.

"What's wrong with you? Shouldn't you be all smiles now that you've seen your family again?"

I shrugged. "I might have been if they hadn't all been partnered up and acting all lovey-dovey the whole time I was there," I grumbled as I brushed past him to open the door.

I felt him follow me inside, but I was in no mood to acknowledge him just yet. I walked into my bedroom and slammed my bags onto my bed, sagging down onto the mattress as I felt the fatigue sweep over me.

"Bella?" Edward asked tentatively from the doorway.

I raised my eyes to meet his and I couldn't stop my tears. He cursed under his breath and was beside me in the next minute. He pulled me into his arms, comforting me while I cried into his shoulder.

"Why doesn't anybody want me?" I wailed.

"What are you talking about, Bella? There are so many guys that would feel blessed to be with you. I can name a few."

"Don't say that! It's not true or I wouldn't still be alone! All I ever wanted out of life was someone who loved me and a child. I am twenty-seven, alone with not prospects of getting a man in my life anytime soon and without a man I will never have a child!"

Edward held me at arm's length. "Do you really want to have a baby?"

"Yes."

"Bella, please hear me out for a sec. I know I might sounds crazy for suggesting it, but promise you'll listen and think about this, before you tell me I'm insane."

I nodded, unsure of what to expect.

"Why don't we try to have a baby together? I don't have someone in my life, haven't for quite some time and I really want to be a dad before I turn forty. You want to have a baby. We could do this. We get along perfectly, so we could easily raise a kid together."

I gaped at him. "Are you suggesting we just have casual sex in order to get me pregnant?"

"NO! Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like that. No, I was thinking that I could be the sperm donor for your child. Do this through the hospital, only you know who provided the sperm and we would care for this child together."

See, I knew it was a crazy idea. I knew this could only lead to heartbreak, but instead of telling him so, I slowly nodded my consent. I hadn't expected his complete joy, though. He hugged me so tightly that I found it hard to breathe, but I really didn't care. Why would I when Edward Cullen was holding me like this? It felt nothing like our regular hugs, it felt like so much more.

_Duh! You just agreed to become the mother of his child, of course it's more_, I mentally berated myself.

In the weeks that followed, Edward and I immersed ourselves in research on artificial insemination. It appeared to be a fairly simple procedure that could be done by any hospital or fertility clinic that existed. Since Edward wanted to keep this away from the prying eyes of the press, we selected a private clinic. The intake interview was brief and to the point and not at all what I had expected. I was given a schedule for a couple of ultrasounds to check the process of my cycle and when the time was right, I would have to inject myself with a hormone. Thirty six hours after which Edward's sperm would be injected into my womb where it should do it's job.

It was all sterile and clinical and deep down I really didn't want my baby to be made like this. I really wanted him or her to be born out of love, but I had said yes and I would go through with this, no matter what.

Edward was a real sweet heart about it all. He had managed to keep his schedule clear of any foreign trips for six months. He would have to do a few shows out of state, but they were few and far in between, so he would be there for me as much as he could.

My first cycle was monitored closely and when the timing was right, the whole process of the insemination was put into action. The day I went into the clinic, Edward came with me. He kindly averted his eyes while I lay up in the stirrups and the doctor injected me, but as soon as I was covered again, he took my hand and quietly talked to me until it was time for me to get up and go home.

The two weeks afterwards, were hell. I hated the waiting and working from home, just made it all the worse. I had a hard time concentrating on my writing and tried to spend more time outside in order to speed the days along.

Much to my disappointment I got my period two days before I was scheduled to do a pregnancy test. So the first round had failed. Thankfully I managed to put it behind me rather easily while we prepared for the second try. Again, I got my period about two days before the scheduled test, again I was disappointed.

Edward tried really hard to reassure me, but it was taking a bigger toll on me than I had expected. We talked about it for a while and decided that, if the third round went wrong, we would take a three month break before we tried again.

About a week after the third insemination I got this really strong feeling that something was different about me. I felt a little restless and I even drove home to Forks to see Alice. I needed a distraction and she would provide it.

She was happy to see me, but as soon as she touched my hand she zoned out and when she came back to me she gasped. Her eyes were so sad, I was afraid to ask her what she had seen.

"Alice? Are you okay?"

She nodded and pulled me into the house. "Bells, I just want you to know that no matter how bad you think things are, there is a very bright light at the end of this tunnel."

"Alice, what did you see? You're scaring me a little."

She looked at me, still sad. "You're going to go through a rough time, but believe me that you will come out of it so much stronger."

"Alright, I believe you. If it gets really bad, remind me, okay?"

"Of course. I'll come visit you soon, I promise."

Since Alice and Jasper had finally admitted they were in love, Alice hadn't come to visit as often as she used to, but out relationship had gotten so much stronger despite that. She was an adult now and it had changed the dynamics in our bond in a good way.

A week after my impromptu visit with Alice, I was eagerly knocking on Edward's door. He opened it, looking extremely sleepy. He only wore a rumpled pair of pyjama bottoms and I had to swallow hard to keep from drooling at the sight of his perfectly chiselled chest and the extremely hot tattoo that curled round his ribcage.

"Hey, Bella," he said hoarsely, only making me more incoherent.

"H-hi,"I squeaked.

"Come in. I was trying to get some sleep but I haven't been very successful. Let me just go put on a shirt."

I nearly whimpered at the idea he would cover himself up, but then I realized it might be better since I wouldn't be able to carry on a conversation if he was topless.

When he returned, I nervously fiddled with the bag in my hands. He noticed and placed a hand over mine to calm me down. My stomach flooded with butterflies at the contact, like always, but for once I avoided blushing like a fool.

"Bella, sit down please. You're making me nervous."

I nodded and perched on the edge of the sofa, while he sat down on the coffee table in front of me. He took my hands in his and looked me in the eye.

"Now, tell me why you are here and why you are so nervous."

"Well, do you know what today is?"

He looked confused for a moment, but then his eyes lit up in excitement. "You haven't gotten your period?"

"Nope."

"Oh, God. So we can do the test today?"

"Yup."

"Now I get why you're nervous."

He held up his hand and showed me he was trembling as well now. I quickly grabbed it and stared down and our tightly clasped hand between us.

"I think I better take these tests now."

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, do what you have to. Can I get you some tea or something?"

"Yeah, tea would be good, since I can't take that stiff drink I really want."

I heard him chuckle nervously as I walked to his bathroom to take the tests I had brought with me. After I had managed to pee on all three, I washed my hands and left the bathroom, to restless to stay and watch them change.

Edward was at my side with a steaming cup of tea as soon as I was back. We sat down on the couch together, staring quietly at the bathroom door.

"How long?" he murmured after a minute.

"Ten minutes, of which three have now passed."

He nodded, took a sip of his tea and went quiet again. I could hear a clock tick behind me and I started counting along with it to keep track of time. It seemed like Edward had done the same, because we both placed our cups on the table at the same time.

He looked at me, took my hand and pulled me up with him, gently pulling me to the bathroom.

"I'm afraid to look," he murmured.

"Me too. We'll do it together," I whispered back as I squeezed his hand.

We each took a deep breath and stared down at the three sticks. All three had big fat pink lines on them. Double lines! I was pregnant with Edward's baby!

I whirled around to face him, and noticed he had gone pale.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

He nodded, but sat down on the edge of the tub anyway. I watched him breath in through his nose, out through his mouth for a while. It took a few minutes, but he regained the slight flush in his cheeks and then his eyes rose up to meet mine. I gave him a tentative smile, which he returned in kind.

"Wow, we are going to be parents."

"Yes we are, genius. This was all your evil plan, remember?"

He laughed, but it sounded strained. Suddenly I felt overwhelmed with the possibility of him changing his mind now that it was no longer and idea, but a reality. I opened my mouth to ask him, but didn't dare to hear him say it out loud, so I ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and gathered up the tests.

As I turned to leave I looked at him once more, but he was staring at the tiles on the floor, trying to breathe evenly again. Great, now I was going to be a single mom without the single dad to help me out, like he had promised. I want to scream, I wanted to throw things, but I would wait until I was alone in my own apartment to break down.

I hadn't reached the door yet when I felt two arms gently encircle me from behind. He pulled me against him, resting his hands on my belly.

"I'm sorry if I nearly passed out on you in there, Bella. I had been trying so hard not to get my hopes up this months, that I was completely shocked that we actually are pregnant this time. I'm sorry."

I turned in his arms and glared at him. "You very well should be. I'm the one who's supposed to go all hormonal now, not you."

He nodded, looking genuinely remorseful, so I decided to forgive him. I reached up and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. I felt it in my entire body, but I had gotten used to covering his affect on me by and indifferent mask. When I pulled away I saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes before he buried it beneath his regular friendly smile.

We sat down together and talked about the things to come for a while, before he finally told me to get some rest.

"You have to keep our baby well fed and well rested after all," he teased as he sent me across the hall.

For six weeks I lived in my version of heaven. Edward doted on me, made me dinner, made sure I slept well and even held my hair when I had my morning sickness. I was pregnant with his baby and aside from the fact that we weren't actually in a relationship, it was like everything I had dreamed of since the moment I met him.

But then came the day that Edward had to leave early in the morning for three shows in New York, a trip that would last for little over a week, and I had to go in for my first ultrasound. Edward had been bummed out when he found out he couldn't come with me, but I promised him to e-mail him the pictures as soon as I was home and he promised me he would make sure he'd be there for the next one.

So I went to the hospital alone, waiting for the doctor to call me in. When she finally did, she greeted me warmly and did a few check-ups before she guided me over to the bed and told me to climb on up. I lifted my shirt and lowered my pants a little, after which she applied the gel and placed the machine on my lower belly.

The image on the screen was a bit fuzzy, but I could make out a small shape. I started to smile, when the doctor frowned and pulled the screen towards her. She moved the machine around, but she still kept the frown in place. When she turned off the monitor and wiped my stomach down with a grim expression on her face, I knew there would be bad news.

"Doctor, what's wrong?"

"Bella, please take a seat."

I quietly slipped into the chair and waited for her to tell me what was happening.

"Bella, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"What is it? Is the baby okay?"

"No, I'm afraid the baby's not okay. There is no heartbeat. By the size of the foetus, I'd say it lived until about a week ago. Normally speaking you would have miscarried, but it seems like your body isn't doing that naturally. We will have to help it along. I'm really sorry, Bella."

I nodded numbly, unable to speak. She gave me another sad smile and then told me to wait while she got the nurse to give me the injection to help abort the foetus. When she put it like that, I felt my stomach churn in protest, but I managed to keep from throwing up.

I didn't really register the nurse coming in and guiding me to a different room, nor did I feel anything when she put the syringe in my arm. I didn't know how I made it home, but somehow I did. When I stepped off the elevator, I saw Alice standing outside my door and I remembered her premonition.

"Alice," I whispered hardly audible. "Was this what you saw?"

"Yes. I'm so sorry, Bells."

"I know. Light at the end right?" I asked just to make sure.

"Yes, that hasn't changed. Just try to let in the pain, sweetie. It'll make it easier in the end."

I nodded, but didn't want to break down in the hallway. I waited until I was in my most comfortable pyjama's curled up under the covers with Alice before I finally cried. My little sister held me all afternoon, until I was finally too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

"Go to sleep, Bells. I'll be here for as long as you need me. Do you want me to call Edward?"

"Yes, but don't let him cut his trip short. He can come see me when he gets back."

"I promised."

I heard her shuffle into the living room, leaving the door open. I heard her pick up the phone and the beeps of the punching of numbers.

"Edward? Hey, it's Alice, Bella's younger sister.... Yes, I;m with her, but you might want to sit down for a bit....yes, she had the ultrasound, but there's some bad news.....no, the baby didn't have a heartbeat....normally she would have miscarried but she didn't so they gave her a shot to help her body abort the foetus....no, she wanted me to tell you to do what you had to in New York and she's see you when you got back....I know.....No, she's a mess, but she will get over it eventually. She'll need you, though....I know....Yes....yes....Just don't give up....Okay, talk to you later, Edward."

I had no idea what the last part was about, but I didn't have the strength to ask, I just let myself drift off to sleep.

Alice stayed with me until Edward came back and he took over her role of watching over me. He held me close at night and hovered over me all day. The miscarriage had happened two nights after the ultrasound, while Alice was still with me, but I talked to Edward on the phone all night. He too had been devastated and I had comforted him as much as he had me. Our bond grew so very tight that I knew we would always come back to each other from now on, not matter what would happen next.

A couple of weeks after that devastating day, Edward came home from a meeting with his record company all excited.

"I have some news!" he exclaimed as soon as he stepped in the door.

"Well, tell me."

"My last album has gone platinum after only three months in the stores!"

"Wow, that is just wonderful!"

"I know! I am having a party this Friday to celebrate and you need to be there. Promise me you'll be there."

"Of course."

He grinned happily at lifted me into his arms twirling me around. He kissed the top of my head as he put me back down and almost ran back out, yelling over his shoulder that he had a party to plan. I laughed at his enthusiasm. It was the happiest I'd seen him since I lost the baby and it made me feel good that he was getting his emotions back in order.

I was feeling a lot better too, although I sometimes still cried over it, but those moments came less and less often.

~*~

So here I am, the night of the party, waking up to Edward's concerned face hovering over mine. I remember that I passed out on him only moments after he told me he loved me and I groan, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

"Bella? Love, are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm just mortified that I passed out on you," I mutter while I carefully look back up to meet his amused green eyes.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Cullen."

"I wouldn't dream of it, love. But please tell me why you passed out. Was it because you were repulsed by what I said?"

"No!" I exclaim, sitting up while trying to ignore the ringing in my ears. "No, I passed out because I forgot how to breathe when you told me you loved me."

He frowns. "Is that a good thing?"

I laugh breathlessly. "Yes! God, Edward, I have been in love with you for years and finally hearing you say you love me back just literally took my breath away."

He closes his eyes and blows out a heavy breath. "You have no idea how long I've waited to tell you, but every time I chickened out. You are such a perfect woman and I hated the idea of exposing you to all the gossip magazines and all the shit I deal with."

I shut him up but taking his face between my hands and pressing my lips to his again. I feel the heat sweep through my body as his hands find their way around my waist and his body lowers on top of me.

That night we make love for the first time and despite it being somewhat painful for me, I love the feel of him filling me completely. We repeat the process a couple of times during the night and again after we wake up in the morning. It is loving and perfect and simply us.

We realize we wasted almost three years waiting on the other to make their feelings known first. At first I regret that time, but then I tell myself, and later Edward, that we used that time by becoming friends and that would make the foundation of our relationship stronger than that of many other couple. He agrees with me right before he takes me to the bathroom to take a shower with me and take me against the shower wall.

When we finally emerge from our lust induced state, I wonder whatever happened to the party last night. It appears that he had given Tanya the job of getting everyone out. He only made sure everyone had indeed left before he locked his door and came back to me. He says he'll hire a cleaning lady to clean the apartment, I tell him to stop wasting his money on silly things like that.

"Don't be silly, Bella. I could hire an entire cleaning crew to clean this building every day and I would still be able to live comfortably."

"I know, it's just such a silly thing to waste your money on."

"Well, miss Swan as long as you are not my wife you have no say in the matter. Of course, I would love it if you get to boss me around."

"Is that your twisted way of asking me to marry you?" I joke.

"Actually, I think it is. Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife. That way I can try to make a baby with you while you are an honest woman."

"I think maybe you failed at that already," I say laughing as I think of our previous night.

"What? Why?"

"Well, it's been about two weeks since my last period, I'm obviously not on the pill and you and I completely forgot to use any protection, Mr. Cullen."

"Then we'd better hurry, so what do you say, care to fly with me to Vegas and make this official?"

"You're serious?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Huh?"

"Yes, I'll marry you."

He makes a sound that is awfully close to a girlish squeal before he lifts me up to spin me around and place kisses all over my face.

**Ten months later**

**Edward's pov**

I can't believe I am here. I can't believe that this woman is my wife and this little bundle in my arms is my daughter.

My relationship with Bella is unconventional to say the least, but we work best that way. As soon as I found out Bella was pregnant again, I resigned with the record company. I would finish the club tour through America that was scheduled for the month to come and then I would stop playing professionally.

At first Bella hadn't wanted to heard anything about it. But after I explained that I wanted us to have a life without the constant scrutiny I had been used to for so long, giving her the example of the imaginary flings they always ascribed to me whenever I was in the same room as a beautiful woman or someone ever remotely famous, she finally relented, stating that she didn't mind being our family's bread winner.

She did decide to stop going on book tours. Her books sold without all the travelling and that gave us the unique opportunity to spend all our time together. I lived through every stage of her pregnancy with her. Held her hair back, while she suffered through her monring sickness, sang her to sleep if she couldn't settle down and let her cry on my shoulders when her hormones got the best of her. I even once served as a willing punching bag, just to make her feel better.

But in the end I got the biggest award of all. I got to hold my daughter in my arms and see how perfect she had turned out. She had her mother's big brown eyes and my crazy ass bronze hair. Her sweet little face was a pretty even mix between Bella's and my features. Simply put she was the perfect representation of our love for each other and I knew I would try my best to make her see that every day for the rest of her life.

Our sweet Carlie Renesme Cullen.

* * *

_A/N: This was an idea that just popped into my head. At first I wanted to add a lemon, but in the end it just felt wrong to have it in the story. Please let me know what you think, I would love to hear your opinion on it._

_BTW: It's a one-shot so it won't be expanded._

_Love, Mo_


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